My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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