youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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