Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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