Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i believe in u and ur pee
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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