Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
