We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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