tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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