im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
