We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize