he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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