eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
