If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
