I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
