Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
