You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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