how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
home. puking in laundry basket.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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