they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
