I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
