People in love make me want to vomit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
false alarm, still single
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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