I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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