Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
