Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
