It's Friday. Sex?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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