My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize