you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
