I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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