Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish you could order shots online.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
