At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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