a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
