Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
