exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
