did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
