haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
