i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
