sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
