Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
