I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
