like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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