Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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