I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
