I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
