i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
