I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
