You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
