he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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