Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
