Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
