Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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