The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
