Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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