Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
