I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
