She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize