At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
