whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
