At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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