She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
