i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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