they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
