He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
