Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize