Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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