i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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