Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
