We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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