I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
